Ana's Journey
by AnonymousJJ
Summary: This is an A/U story; no cheating, no death, and even though it wont be at first & there will be a couple tough times, there will be a HEA.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So, I've been fighting a bit of writers block lately, until this came to me. I hold this really close to my heart. I know my stories dont stick close to FSoG at all, but this one is really far away from it. Basically the only things that are the same are E.L James' characters. Everyone/thing else is mine. This is mostly Ana's background/story to tell, I dont know how far I will get into Christians just yet, but I hope you stick with me during the journey. I will say this...there are NO deaths, NO cheating, NO Hyde & (so far) NO Elena.**

**Any & all mistakes are my own.**

When I was growing up, things werent always easy. My parents seperated when I was a young child, my mom packing up my brother and I to move across the country. Going from Seattle rain to California sun was definitely a big change, but I was promised that I could see my father whenever I wanted. Turns out, two weeks in the summer and every second Christmas is all he wanted. That changed again though when I turned 9 and my mother decided she was going to get remarried. I hated it. I hated every single second of it and I became probably the worst child in the universe (or so I thought at the time). My brother adored him, and that put a rift between me and Devin. I packed my bags and my dad paid for my flight, me not realizing how different things would actually turn out to be. Dad was barely ever home between work and his..sports. I mean, yes, he spent time golfing, playing baseball and curling but he had some extracurriclar activities as well. Who wouldve guessed that by the age of 11, I would know how to sort, wash, dry and fold laundry? Cook full meals for myself since dad was never home, and cant forget cleaning the house. I had grown up so much in such little amount of time that I almost never got to be a child.

I had lived with my dad until I was fourteen. I would've continued to live with him forever, its not like he was a bad father, he was just an absent one. It all changed one night though when my fathers best friend tried to push himself on me. I mean, what goes through a grown mans head when he sees a little girl that makes him want to touch her? I had been asleep in my room, it was a normal Friday Poker night at our place, so I was used to the noise, but when I woke up to silence and him sitting on my bed trying to put his hand down my pants, I panicked. I tried not to scream so I wouldnt wake my dad up, I couldnt kick him or hit him because of the way he was sitting, Im just glad he listened to me when I told him to get out of my room. Not long after that is when I moved back to my mothers, and if possible, I was worse then I was the first time. I began drinking, doing drugs and sleeping around. Well, I guess you can't really consider sleeping with the same four guys over and over sleeping around, but still. That wasnt me, that wasnt how I was raised. Needless to say, I came back to my dads before graduation. Thats one thing I never failed at. School. When I was living with my mom, I was never part of the 'popular' crowd. We weren't technically part of the 'loser' crowd either, we just had our own little group. We werent stoners, goth, athletes. We never participated in school events and thought the football games were stupid. I mean, who wants to watch a bunch of boys chasing a ball and having an excuse to hit each other and try to prove whos the big macho man? No thank you!

My dads was the complete opposite of all that. The friends I had while growing up, were still my friends. We would get together every time I was in town and play Barbies or dress up. Then as we grew up, that changed to boys and parties. We ran that town. From what I was told, guys wanted to be with us and girls either hated us or tried to fit in. We were never mean, but we didn't care. Even right now, I find myself sitting on the tailgate of my friend Tylers truck drinking a beer watching some girl try to fight with my girlfriend Rachelle. I just laugh and shake my head because people never learn. Rachelle and her twin sister Rhiannon are the complete opposites; Rhiannon being the girly-girl and Rachelle not so much a tom-boy, but not caring about what shes wearing or her hair as much as her sister. Why people want to piss either off is beyond me. Even though they are two of my best friends, they still intimidate me, all six feet of them.

Theres six of us girls in our little group, and like I said, we've been friends as long as I can remember. Besides Rachelle, Rhiannon and myself, there is Christy, Ashley and Meagen. Looking back over the past, it brings tears to my eyes that we missed so much time with each other, but I honestly think it made us closer then we would've been if I hadnt moved away.

"Ana, babe, you in there?" I hear Christy say beside me.

"Yeah, sorry. Guess I was lost in my thoughts again." I give her a soft smile to show her Im okay. Just as Im about to hop down to grab myself another beer, she's handing me a bill.

"You're first tonight darling, its your birthday after all. Me and Tys got enough to last all night if needed."

I look beside me and see the lines neatly cut up onto an old cd case. I wouldnt say I'm an addict, I just love the feeling the cocaine gives me. As I put the bill to my nose and inhale the white powder, I feel the rush I've been waiting for. My heart starts racing, my brain becomes clear, I dont have a worry in the world. I'm invincible. My mothers need to just get rid of me every time there was a problem she didnt want to deal with. My fathers constant absense. My longing to fit in and be normal. None of it matters to me right now, because for the next hour or so, nothing can hurt me. Except, when I look all around me and see my friends with their boyfriends, I realize how alone I really am.

And just as fast as I got my high, I got my crash. Thats the one thing that has always stayed the same even as I grew. I've never had a boyfriend, or someone I've been with long enough to consider my boyfriend. Ive had random hookups but thats all they were. Hell, I havent even had sex in two months. While everyone is busy, I grab myself a couple drinks and head down the beach to be alone. If I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life, I would rather my friends didnt have to suffer along with me. They all deserve to be happy, they deserve the happily ever afters with the kids and white picket fences, Prince Charming at their beck and call. Just as I find myself a vacant spot on the beach, I see someone walking towards me. I try to act like I didnt notice them so they wont talk to me, but that doesn't seem to work in my favor.

"Whats a beautiful girl like yourself doing all alone? Didnt your mother ever teach you that its not safe be out at night?"

I look up to see the most gorgeous man I have ever seen, and for once I think I am speechless.

"Whats your name? Im Christian." he says as he sticks his hand out waiting for a handshake. When I dont grab it, he looks a little sad. "Sorry, I didnt mean to interrupt whatever it is that you were doing, you just looked like you could use a little company."

"Im sorry, I didnt mean to be so rude. Your not from around here are you?" I ask him quietly. Apparently I found my voice, but very little of it. "I'm Ana, by the way."

"You're right, Im not from around here. I just moved here with my family from Vancouver. I was actually supposed to be meeting my brother but it would seem that he has ditched me." he softly chuckles. "So, since we arent strangers anymore, are you going to tell me what your doing all by yourself?" he says as he sits down beside me.

"My friends and I are having a little bonfire over there," I say as I point behind me, "but they are all busy with their boyfriends and I decided I needed a little break to be alone with my thoughts."

"Well, theres the answer to my next question. Since theres no boyfriend, am I free to ask you on a date? Or is that a little too forward for just meeting?"

"As much as I would love to say yes, I will go out with you, Im a pretty fucked up person. You wouldnt want to waste your time. Im sorry," I say as a lone tear runs down my cheek, "I really shouldnt be dumping all my crap onto you."

"Its okay," he whispers as he puts his arm around me and pulls me closer. "I have all the time in the world and I've been told that Im a great listener." I look at him, trying to return his smile, but its like Im seeing him for the first time again, his amazingly beautiful gray eyes pulling me in. Its almost like I can see inside his soul and see that hes got a story just like I do.


	2. Chapter 2

"Have you ever wondered what your life would've been like if you hadn't done something a certain way?" I ask Christian as we sit in the wet sand facing the water.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean.."

"See, with me. My parents divorced when I was pretty young so I dont remember much of their marriage and if they were happy or not, but when my mom had a chance to finally be happy with someone else, I lashed out. I became the child she hated to admit was part of her. They tried therapy and everything but nothing worked, I just didnt care. I came back here to live with my dad when I was 9, I got everything I wanted. Some would call me a daddys girl but the truth is, he just wasnt around enough and tried to make up for it by buying me things. He still does. My friends are the only ones I've ever really considered family, and even then, they have their own lives, their own things going on. I hate to take away from that, I hate being that girl who comes off as needy. Maybe its because I never had that love when I was growing up, I guess I will never know. I guess thats why I do the things I do...the drinking, the drugs and the random hook ups. Oh god, that makes me sound like such a slut.." I hang my head down embarrassed, playing with the string on my sweater.

"Look, Ana, Im not here to judge you. Im here to listen if you want to talk. It helps me get to know you better, and I dont really care if you are a stripper who is dancing her way through college or just some girl who likes to party. Do I wish I had done things differently in my life? Maybe, but it also depends on how you look at it. Do you see a light at the end of the tunnel, do you see yourself stopping the partying? Or do you see yourself doing this for the rest of your life?"

"I dont know right now. I guess, I would like to be happy eventually, I would like to not think of the drugs as a way for that to happen. I would like to be with someone who shows me every day that I'm the most important person to them, have them do anything they possibly could to make me forget the person I am becoming right now. I'm scared that its going to take complete control over what little life I do have, but I love the rush I get when I do a line. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm pretty high right now, but it doesnt seem to affect me the way it affects others. When I'm sober, everything seems cloudy, doesnt make complete sense to me. But yet the second I snort, whether its coke or ecstasy, the whole world just brightens. I dont feel alone, I dont feel scared and I definitely dont feel helpless. Im the queen of my world, I'm the one in control. Nothing can hurt me. Or at least I try to tell myself that. I seem to be doing a pretty crappy job right now, and I do apologize because I dont have a habit of spouting off my story to random hotties walking the beach." I awkwardly laugh, still afraid to look at his face.

He sighs loudly, "Okay, I know that no matter what I say, you are going to continue to do what you're doing, continue your life like you would've half an hour ago if I hadn't walked over. But, I believe everything happens for a reason, whether its meeting some random stranger," he bumps me with his shoulder and I smile. "Or doing certain things. You cant sit here and say that you have regrets because there's no point. If you didn't start doing the drugs, your life would've turned out worse. I know I dont know you and you dont know me, but what Im getting from you is that this is your escape. This is what you do to get away from real life problems. Trust me, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but think about it for a second. If you hadn't started, where do you think you would be? Listening to part of your story, I think you would be awefully depressed, sitting in your room in the dark, sulking because you think your all alone. Judging from the crowd coming over here though, you're anything BUT alone, Ana. You seem to have some pretty amazing friends, I wish I had that growing up. I should get going anyways, but just remember that life has its reasons for leading you down a certain path. Things are meant to happen, whether you want them to or not. Just keep your chin up, maybe we will see each other around." He gives my shoulder a slight squeeze before he gets up and walks away, just as Rachelle and Christy come to sit down beside me.

I know deep down that what Christian said is true. I know its my escape, but in reality, what am I escaping from? My life isn't bad, despite the douche bag my dad was friends with, I've never been abused. If anything, the shit I've gone through in my life has made me one tough bitch, I dont put up with alot, especially from my family and everyone knows it. I haven't talked to my mom in a while, my stepdad and I do not get along at all and my brother has almost shunned me, but thats okay. I'm completely okay with that. I have my girls and my dad. I look to either side of me andgive my friends each a smile. "Thank you."

"Oh hunny, you dont need to thank us! This is what friends are for, I just wish you would have said something was bothering you instead of just walking away. I know you havent exactly been yourself lately, and if you want to talk, we are all here for you. But please, dont ever think you cant tell us anything, or that walking away is the answer." I hear Rachelle whisper on my left.

Christy nods her head in agreement, "What exactly is going on Ana? This isn't you.."

I sigh, "I don't exactly know, and thats the problem. Everything was great up there, I was having a good time and then I just took one look around and you guys all have your boyfriends. Then there is me, I'm alone. I've already come to terms that no guy will ever actually want a relationship with me, but it still hurts, you know. I ask myself why, whats wrong with me. But then I do a line or have a drink and I realize that its their loss, not mine."

"Who was that guy you were talking to? He seemed interested in you. And hot to boot." I see Christy wink and I cant help the giggle that escapes.

"His name is Christian, I actually just met him when I came down here to think. I love you girls to death, you know that. But, it was nice to talk to someone without them actually knowing me. I was worried he was going to judge me, but he said that everything happens for a reason, and I believe him. Life has different plans for me, I just have to keep travelling down this road to see where it leads." We sit there for a few more minutes, enjoying a little bit of silence with a mixture of the boys singing floating in the wind. When I finally feel normal again, we stand up, hand in hand and march back up to the group. I dont know what it was that changed my mood, but I do feel more optimistic. This could be the beginning, maybe a little change would be good.


End file.
